breaking up is hard to do

I may not be snowed in, but I'm sicked in, so I actually get to spend some quality on my computer and in my bed. Both of my roommates are out, so I even have the house all to myself. It's getting colder outside, and the wind woke me up through the night making the windows creak. I'm listening to sadsack emo music that doesn't belong to me, because it's a sadsack kind of day. The sun is trying to come out but I wish it wouldn't; I told Susie last night, I prefer a little rain to all that sunshine business. (Haha, Susie, I mentioned you again!)

I've been thinking about this post for a couple days now, and I guess it was spurred on by a question I get from my girlfriends who know my secrets. They ask how am I doing, and if I'm feeling honest, I'll tell them that I'm doing okay, but it takes work. And it takes work because breaking up is hard to do, and not just in a traditional sense. Have you ever tried to break up with something that is more in your head than in reality? Like an idea or a plan or a person? These things become hobbies, then hobbies become habits, followed by habits changing into addictions. And you know addictions are not healthy things to have, so you want to break yourself of them but it's not that easy. I've never traditionally broken up, but I have a feeling that breaking up with something in your head may even be harder, because you can't turn off your brain or tell it that you need some space, that you're better off as friends. So, you work at breaking your addictions little by little each day, until they revert back to habits then hobbies then casual thoughts and acquaintances. You take the harder days as they come, and acknowledge them in the hopes that they will become fewer and further between, and you realize that for all the unfairness in the world, there's got to be something fair out there to balance it all out. Finally, you come to a parting of the ways, and see that is was good and bad all at the same time while it lasted, and parting is for the best, and the once-addiction slips back into the quieter corners of the mind. The point of it all is that it takes work and conscious effort--you can't just take something that you've given so much power and say, well I'm letting it go and that's the end, it takes time to regain that part of yourself that you gave away.

"The giving up is the hardest part." - John Mayer