I've had an emotionally productive last few days

I've been working on surgically removing the mental and emotional crap from my life, and focusing on the friends I have rather than stressing over the ones I don't. I have also been reminding myself often how blessed I am to have friends, family, a secure job to pay the bills, and exciting opportunities on the horizon.

Apparently the university in Nanjing didn't get my documents together, so my contact in China has put me in touch with a different school in a smaller city between Nanjing and Shanghai where I would be teaching English and dance. This just happened a couple days ago, though, so I'll probably get to play the waiting game again, but at least I've been put in contact specifically with someone at the school. It's still all very exciting, and I'm ready to have something for certain so I can buy that plane ticket and all. Mandarin is still going, just in spurts rather than steadily. I've just learned my basic colors! Tonight a friend asked me if I knew how to say "I love you" yet; I don't, but I do know how to say "cat" and "dog" and "drink tea". The tough thing about learning on your own is that you don't have anyone to practice with like in a language class, and to people who don't know it sounds like gibberish, literally like the caricature of itself that people use when making fun of it.

I had a great night tonight getting to hang out with old friends and meeting a couple new ones, and soon Keen will be home for the summer, so I won't be as bored. Also, I'm getting VERRRRY excited for my friends' wedding, Matt and Rachel, in late May in Missouri. All of our friends from college will be there and we're actually going to all be staying at one friend's house...a giant sleepover! It's probably going to be one of the best weekends ever.

"soy como un ave que vuelve a su nido"

this is torturous

If I don't hear from the university by Friday, I'm going to e-mail them. I would really appreciate thoughts and prayers so I don't have to spend the weekend looking for another job. This waiting is about to do me in.

"I think that you should let your caged bird fly, and kiss your past goodbye"

still waiting

For everything, it feels like. Waiting for China (while still telling people I'm going), waiting for summer, waiting for something to happen to me around here. I miss Costa life more and more everyday.

(I keep having dreams that we're slowly becoming friends again. I wish it was true, why isn't it?)

"and with timeless words and priceless pictures, we'll fly like birds not of this earth"

do you lay awake at night and really need to sleep but instead mentally write blogs?

I do.

The Good Lord is trying my patience. I signed a contract with a school in China, but they said that it should take about a month to get the paperwork together and I won't hear much, so they "appreciate my patience". It feels like it's been several months...but it's barely been two weeks. It has honestly made me generally irritable and paranoid about everything. And Mandarin is SUPER frustrating to learn.

But you know what? Tonight, Dancing with the Stars and Glee are on television, and I have this weekend off to go to Tulsa! To see my sweet friend Susie in a starring role in one of her most favorite musicals of all-time! And to see my twin Ashley, who I haven't seen since graduation last May.

As I've mentioned before, there's not much at home to write about, except the amazing Iron Man 2 commercial I just saw. I finally saw the first one a couple weeks ago, and I'm really excited for the sequel.